April collage

Replace fear of the unknown with curiosity.” -Danny Gokey (?)


Another month has unfolded and about to run out, with hopes of the next one being gentler for sitting tasks and skinny cold fingers. I’m being flooded with opportunities to practice what I spoke of recently, oiling the door between the brain studio and the public lounge out front. Such as unexpected financial changes looming, a little kitty with patella issues, wacky hormones with the accompanying pains and other bodily distractions. All designed to steer my focus away from “the work”; Godzilla anxiety vs. Wonderwoman calm and joy.

I try to make myself tick items off the list a little bit at a time even when I don’t feel like it. Force that bumper car out of the rut and into the correct lane again and again. They say the difference between try and triumph is just a little umph, but sometimes it comes out more of a blop or a klonk, you know?


Reading “pile” for warming up under blankets (and cats):


Big loom is all assembled now, 44 extra treadle cords cut, melted and ready, but since I spent a few extra days wrangling 1400 threads back and forth through the reed on the Lervad, there’s no weaving going on. Commencing to thread heddles and hoping the best, at least now they’re only twisted in 3’s instead of 24’s.

This is how a pair of trousers begin their life.

And now that I have my studio with no constraints finally, I do the exact thing I’m not supposed to: thinking about the money. Do not aspire to create for gain, it has to be a secondary motivation or even further down the list or the ideas leave, that is a fact. Thinking my way to job ideas has never worked in the past, but it looks like I could use a small income (heck, I’d settle for a big one too!). Regular readers know what my day and my personality look like, not exactly employee material, right? So what does a chronically tired, non-specialist recluse have to offer the world I wonder? Guess I had hoped for more time to figure that one out.

Did you ever feel that you had a million things going for you, but not any one thing that anybody wants? (Yes, I have had a variety of normal jobs in the past. Going backwards is not an option however)

In the meantime, wacky project ideas keep rolling in, lining up rather patiently I must say despite the odds. 🙂 And I must keep plodding on as if the world is still turning.


10 thoughts on “April collage

  1. “Godzilla anxiety vs. Wonderwoman calm and joy”, “chronically tired, non-specialist recluse” — I can relate!
    For 10 years, I’ve been working on figuring out how I can get off disability (mental illnesses). My husband is enthusiastic about supporting me, but I want to help support us, too. I grasped opportunities to make a dollar here and there.
    However, the more time that I spend in my weaving/sewing studio, the more valuable my time becomes. I don’t have time to make a dollar now; time in my studio is worth more than that, even though I don’t sell my weavings (see my blog post “So Happy Our Paths Crossed” for more about that). Working in my studio strengthens me.
    I look forward to seeing your weaving. I’ll see you around your blog.

    1. Exactly my conundrum. Even when I was fitter I could not work as a “salary slave” and be creative at the same time, to do so again would be like a small death to me. What makes me thrive is doing the things I do now and following that flow of making things, breeding new ideas. I know I would be a different, not better, person if I had to stop. And I don’t need stories of this and that famous author working at the post office all his life. Good for them, but they are not me.

      The time is worth more than the money as you say. But if the house/studio has to go it becomes another matter…

      1. Here’s to thriving! It’s priceless!

        Yet, food and shelter for our loved ones cost money, as do materials and supplies and equipment. When I had to support myself financially, I coasted on waves of Superwoman energy between times of feeling like a stalled bumper car in a crowded arena, or, worse, an empty arena. I was so focused on work, I had no interest in or energy for my craft.

        Balance is a great concept and dream. Working in my studio is probably the new reason that I’m feeling balanced these past couple weeks. Fortunately, I can build this on the support that I get from my meds, therapist, husband, friends, kids… I feel funny putting my husband so low on the list, but if it wasn’t for my meds and therapist, I might make the mistake of leaving him and my other social supports; yet, he is the reason why I have all of my supports.

        What supports do you have in place?

        1. My husband doesn’t mind being the breadwinner (as long as I bake it, LOL) and prefers that I stay on this path. But you know, curveballs happen and need to be dealt with.

          1. I am really glad that you have the support that you need 🙂 I hope that you can focus on your path, and let curveballs veer away from you.

  2. Ja, vi kunne godt bruge en mæcen, der ind i mellem kom en mæcen forbi og købte et værk til en exorbitant pris.
    Hurra for gode ægtefæller, der godt kan lide hjemmebagt brød. Lad os håbe på en solfyldt og løfterig maj.

  3. This sounds like a rough patch. I don’t suppose it helps to say just try and enjoy the studio, the creating, the springtime . . . and see what happens?

    1. That would be the most sensible course, but the nagging thoughts of potentially losing it all makes it just a wee bit harder to concentrate..

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