Fake it till you make it

PiaChit Chat

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Now that nature is ever so slowly making a transition towards autumn – I can’t believe I’m saying slowly, the summer has gone by like a Formula 1 – I find myself getting ready to change my activities too. I’ve been doing a lot more with the garden this year and some clearing away of stuff from the barn and yard; this has basically set back all of my creative pursuits, in fact I didn’t even get started on the ponies yet either (They’ve been on a very long break while I was on sick leave for over a year).

Of course I’ve been plant dyeing all summer, but I see that as a different kind of creative, more like a science project. While I think I would have done quite well in research of some other type (except it didn’t occur to me* until recently, so that’s another botched career 😉 ), I do get fed up with the chemistry bit. I still have stuff I want to do, some is urgent before my woad, weld and indigo get too cold, but it’s not my main focus anymore. No, I am of course talking about all the artsy fartsy craft stuff.

The problem for me is always getting back after a break. I get all restless and frustrated, so angry I could spit, even, that I don’t have time and people are bothering me and if only I lived on a deserted island I could finally get down to creating masterpieces 12 hours a day. What happens if I do get a week on my own? I get headaches or cramps. I zone out and click the interwebs. I get really tired and take naps. I daydream, I read books. Go pull a few thistles. Have coffee to wake up and start up Photoshop and Writer and pull out my inspiration folder and then go click blogs and Ravelry until I’m ready for another nap. I’ve been talking about procrastination several times and after a break it always hits me bad.

It’s not that I haven’t got any ideas I could work on, I just seem to think that – I don’t know what I’m thinking actually, everything just feels sluggish and outside of my grasp somehow. I mentioned 2 months ago about doing chores first and then being too tired for the fun bits, well, that still applies. Except now I seem to be slowing down on both counts. I must be needing a break and I suppose I ought to listen….

So, during the meanwhile, I’d like to figure out what to do to get on another roll. I don’t care if it happens to be spinning, weaving, painting (which I’m leaning towards) or writing, I just want to get cracking. I’ve done all the things I’ve previously suggested, so I need a new trick.

Some people say you should simply pretend to be making art until you are. Or pretend to be some person you admire and then go do what you imagine that person would do. I’m not much of an actress, I can’t even lie properly, but I suppose as long as I’m only imposting in my own head it’ll be alright. Right? (I can’t stand fake happy and chirpy; I’m not grumpy, just not very exalted most of the time) But you know, whenever I do get out my paints and just do something without being “there”, nothing interesting ever happens. I don’t suddenly fall into the flow, from pretending to create to actually doing it, I really do feel like I’m just faking, doing uninspired and completely useless exercises, and by the way the laundry needs to be put out to dry.

Apparently I can’t even fake something properly! And then we all know the next step, don’t we. “It’s no use, it’s not like I’ll ever develop any talent in my lifetime anyway”. “Needing space and quiet before I can create is just an excuse to hide that I can’t do it at all”. “It probably isn’t what I’m meant to be doing”. “Wasting my time, wasting my life”. – “Hey, wait a minute, that’s not the story I wanted to fake!”

Does faking really work for the larger multitude, ie do I just suck at it, or is it simply that pep-talks don’t work for more than 5 minutes on average? Faking is supposed to work without believing I think, which is good, because I suck at faith too. Otoh I have no trouble believing all the dark secrets about myself, the uselessness, unworthiness, ugliness etc. I know I’m not the only one, I just think it’s amazingly impractical that we should be hardwired to support all the negative stuff like that.

My intuition is telling me NOTHING of where I should be going right now. But staying put also doesn’t feel very fantastic. So I keep pushing even though I can tell I’m not doing it the right way. Maybe life’s simply not meant to be fantastic… But I’m not sure I can put up with that for very long. That would in fact, be faking it bigtime, and we already established that I suck at that.

Ok, I’m not even sure where I’m going with this piece. I’ll just press the button and move on now. Have a great weekend all! I’ll either be hauling straw bales or visiting a sheep market.

* strangely enough, since I’ve always been the one to bury myself in piles of books in a quiet corner, taking notes and attempting to suck up any and all data of my chosen subject. Some of my friends even complain that they can’t ask me a simple question on horsefeed for example, because I give them a whole lecture where they just wanted a name. Yes, I would have made an excellent geek, I even have the dress sense to match!

Massive blow to my image…

PiaChit Chat

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I’ve not bicycled for years and years, in fact not much since I got my first car. Which is not as long ago as you might think, I lived in the city for about 10 years and didn’t need one (they’re also rather expensive to buy and keep here compared to for instance the US), so I was over 30.

My knees aren’t always too happy, so I had a good excuse, but now that they’ve been scanned and no damage to the meniscus like I feared with all the clicking and sharp pains, I really don’t have one anymore. It’s just a sign of oncoming osteoarthritis, slack tendons, and well, I should use them more. 😉

So I decided I’d get a bike for the odd days when I need to go to the library in town or the post office (they don’t provide hitching posts for the pony), rather than drive G to the station in a farther town and back home (repeat in the afternoon) in order to be able to do my errands. And, well, I’m hoping to make a few camera field trips too. And get a bit fitter. It’s not a happy purchase, really, just a sensible choice.

Problem is, I like sporty bikes. I’ve always had slimline, semi-race types aimed at getting places, not sightseeing. And that’s a problem because with my neck/back condition these days, I can’t lean on my arms like that anymore – even just sitting still on bikes in the shop made this very clear in an instant…

So I needed to get a granny bike. I know they’re top fashion at the moment, but that is just not how I see myself. What’s next, flowery dresses, pearls and straw hats? Keeping my hair in a bun? (wait – I already do that, nevermind). Oh larks and deary me….

I also needed to get it in a junior size, because otherwise the frame is too high and long for me. And I wanted gears at least. In other words, not a whole lot to choose from, because I’m rather cheap when it comes to such things too. After all, I don’t know if I’ll ever actually make it into town or collapse halfway.

So here she is, and I suppose I can safely say that I’ve definitely hit middle age! Basket and all. I’m not sure I’ll ever get over it. 😉

cykel

Der røg mit Imagedanish

Jeg har ikke haft en cykel i rigtig mange år. Når man bor på landet og handler langt væk eller skal have plads til 50 kg hestefoder og 2 store hunde, så bliver det bilen hver gang. Mine knæ er heller ikke særlig glade for hverken at løbe eller cykle, så det har bare været rigtig nemt at lade være.

Nu er der bare lige det, at jeg IKKE gÃ¥r rundt med flækket menisk, som jeg frygtede, det er bare lidt artrose og løse ledbÃ¥nd. Og da jeg bÃ¥de trænger til motion (blah!) og samtidig skal spare, sÃ¥ giver det ikke mening at køre 4x 12 km til stationen med gemalen, bare sÃ¥ jeg selv kan komme en tur pÃ¥ det lokale bibliotek eller posthus. Og egentlig kunne jeg jo tage pÃ¥ fototure ud i landskabet ogsÃ¥… (hvis bare vi dog havde cykelstier i stedet for 2 m dybe afvandingsgrøfter – jeg føler mig lidt dingelvorn nÃ¥r lastbilerne suser forbi lige i knæhaserne)

Problemet er så, at jeg altid har haft sporty letvægtscykler og det er dem jeg synes om, de er smarte, og jeg er ikke hyggecyklist, der skal trampes til, så man kommer frem. Desværre er min ryg og nakke ikke enige, bare det at sidde stille på cyklerne i butikken gjorde det klart for mig at jeg ikke kan tåle at holde min vægt i armene/skuldrene.

SÃ¥ nu har jeg været nødt til at købe mig en konecykel. Der var ikke sÃ¥ mange at vælge mellem, nÃ¥r man bÃ¥de vil have gear og juniorstel. Hvad bliver det næste, blomstrede kjoler og perlekæde? HÃ¥rknold? (nÃ¥nej, det har jeg jo allerede) Jeg kan bare slet ikke forlige mig med, at jeg nu officielt er midaldrende. Tror faktisk aldrig jeg kommer over det…. 😉

Plant watercolours

PiaPainting

Heidi told me about making water colours from plant dye, so I just had to give it a go even though I don’t really have the time or energy right now for another project.

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I still need to work on getting a more concentrated solution, the day I did this I had to go out, so I couldn’t let it sit on the stove to steam for hours. There’s also a matter of how long it’ll keep, my first jars were too tall for the fridge, then I managed to not have time to test the liquid for days. Then it got cold and rainy and not good for picking flowers… you get the idea.

So I’ve just been doing some washes, layering the solutions to see how dark they would go, adding iron and copper as well as soda ash and vinegar to modify. Nothing happened in fact, it may need to be heated – again, no time. And then I noted several days after, that my swatches had changed colour. So there is a possibility for modification, but a high rate of unpredictability or a steep learning curve in knowing what you’ll get eventually.

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I started out with coreopsis and tagetes, meant to do a batch with weld also. But, well. The tagetes turned out very greenish yellow and the coreopsis nearly brown, so I’ll have to do perhaps birch for a warm yellow (or Dyer’s chamomile, which I only have in a dried variety by now)

Then there’s coffee and tea, tea with iron. I’m thinking mainly backgrounds for illustrations, to start off on something not white.

I tried getting direct prints from the flowers by “hammering” them into the paper, but just got brown smudges. The colour is not waterproof after drying, so wetting these papers again for eco printing would probably wash most of it away.

I’ll investigate some more, at some point, for now I hand over the torch in case somebody else has the urge or would like to share their knowledge. I used 10% alum in proportion to weight of the liquid.

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Plante-akvareldanish

Et meget kort og forhastet forsøg pÃ¥ at lave akvarelfarve fra planter. Det fungerer – men er lidt upÃ¥lideligt mht farveændringer via kobber, syre, base, jern osv, da farverne først skiftede pÃ¥ papiret flere dage efter jeg havde malet det pÃ¥. (og allerede smidt varianterne ud). MÃ¥ske det virker bedre at opvarme hver enkelt variant eller lave dem mens det oprindelige bad er varmt.

I virkeligheden havde jeg hverken tid eller ork, skulle i byen den dag jeg kogte blomsterne, så jeg kunne ikke lade dem stå på blusset og dampe mere ind, vejret blev skidt til blomsterplukning og jeg har bare for meget at se til.. Men hvis nogen skulle få lyst og måske endda dele deres erfaringer, så er bolden hermed givet op. Der er brugt 10% alun i forhold til væskens vægt.

Jeg brugte tagetes og skønhedsøje, egentlig ville jeg også prøve vau og birk, men det er det så ikke blevet til endnu.

Tansy take 2

PiaPÃ¥ dansk

Last year I only did a few skeins – and this year the situation is the same, only I did it differently.

I did two with iron in the dyebath (mordanted with alum and one not) and one with leaves only.

Then I read that the best colour is from the leaves before the plants bloom. Well obviously that’s too late, so I guess I’ll have to do a teensy test in 2014 as well.

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Grøn med Rejnfandanish

Sidste år blev det til gul med blomsterne, i år forsøgte jeg mig med bladene samt med jernvitriol. Sidstnævnte både på alunbejdset uld og ubejdset. Bagefter læste jeg så, at planten rent faktisk giver bedst farve før den blomstrer, men så har jeg jo noget at prøve igen til næste år.